Just a Dream
by bloodnoir
Summary: Rose's reality isn't as perfect as she envisioned which leads to a lot of soul searching.
1. Chapter 1

**This is my first Vampire Academy fan fic. It's been about 8 months since I've read one of the novels, so if I make some ridiculous mistake, feel free to point it out. Thanks for giving this one a go. Disclaimer: I own nothing; Richelle Mead is the genius behind all Vampire Academy related writings.**

**Chapter 1 - Have Your Cake and Eat it Too**

I rolled over, hiding my eyes as the setting sun filtered into the room from the half closed drapes. As usual, I was all alone in the big bed, but it bothered me more today. The man who should be lying next to me was off with another woman. That that woman happened to be my best friend, didn't really lessen the sting of it. Wherever Lissa went, Dimitri was close at hand. I'd known it was going to be like this, so why was I having such a hard time accepting reality? But I already knew the answer to that. I'd had a taste of normal and had happily exchanged it for this…farce of a life. I'd had a man completely devoted to me and me alone and I gave him up.

I sighed softly as I forced myself out of bed. I had less than an hour to make myself presentable before I was expected at Lissa's side for guard duty. Now wasn't the time to focus on past regrets. Not like there was anything to be done about it, after all. Adrian was out of my life for good. He'd made that abundantly clear. Adrian was my past…that's what I'd keep telling myself, anyway.

A quick once over in the mirror showed a battle hardened girl. I'd, also, known that would happen, but so soon? I was quickly turning into my mother. She'd been lovely, once upon a time, but a Dhampir's life was a hard life. I smoothed my hands down the grey fabric of my shirt, tucking it into my black slacks before tossing the matching blazer on. Standard issue guardian garb.

Lissa was seated on the white chaise frowning at the report in her perfectly manicured hands. She was so engrossed in the details that she didn't even note my arrival, but Dimitri did. His eyes followed me as I scoped out the room. I glanced at him, a small smile on my lips.

"You're late," he chastised, but his eyes glittered happily.

I shrugged. "You'd think you'd be used to that by now, Belikov." Lissa glanced between us looking cute in her irritation. I wished I could still feel her emotions. Guarding her was a hundred times harder now that we were no longer bound.

"What's up?" I asked taking the seat to her left.

"Jill."

One word. And it was enough. Lissa hadn't warmed up to her sister even though Jill was a wonderful kid. She just seemed to rub Lissa the wrong way. "What's she done this time?"

"What hasn't she done? The child is a nuisance. But she's not going to be my problem much longer, thankfully." She rose gracefully and flung the paper at me. _More queenly every day, _I noted to myself. My eyes raced over the words, my heart beating overtime.

"Lissa, this is serious."

"I know it is, Rose. That's why I'm sending her away."

"She needs more protection than a different zip code. This is the second attack on her life. You know she's the only thing keeping you on the throne. Of course your enemies are going to act against her. She's an easier target."

The anger that filled her eyes caught me off guard. "What? Do you want to be her guardian or something. Because if you do, I could arrange that, Rose."

Dimitri stepped forward. "That's not what Rose was suggesting, Lissa."

"Queen Dragomir," she corrected curtly.

He nodded. "Of course. "Queen Dragomir, she was simply noting the need to send guardians with Jill. Surely you agree with that assessment?"

Lissa was usually a very rational person, but Jill brought out the worst in her. She drummed her nails against the counter that she was leaning against, staring intently at me. It was almost as if Dimitri wasn't even in the room. "I'm sending her to a mortal school in California. How many guards do you think she'll need?"

Dimitri sat next to me, our bodies touching from knees to shoulders. Instantly, I felt calmer. I'd still like to thump Lissa on the head a time or two, though. "They would need to be young so that they could blend in," Dimitri offered.

Lissa nodded. "Agreed. And it would be really conspicuous if we sent more than a couple." She stood rigid, her hands smoothing over her white summer dress. "Draw up a list of names and I will discuss Jill's options further with her parents." She looked pointedly at Dimitri. "You are excused." She turned away to give us some semblance of privacy to say our good mornings/goodbyes.

Dimitri held me so gently. The eyes boring into mine were filled with so much love. When I was with him, I couldn't understand how I could doubt that I'd made the right decision, but as I spent more time away from him than together, those feelings of complete certainty were fleeting. He tipped my chin up, his mouth barely grazing mine. "One more night, Roza." I nodded. We would have two glorious days to ourselves while the alternate guardians looked after Lissa and Christian and I planned on making the most of them. "Until then, love." His mouth worked sensuously against mine and only sheer willpower kept me from making a spectacle of us. I wanted nothing more than to press every inch of my body against his, but I kept my wits about me and let it remain a simple farewell kiss.

"Love you," I whispered as he pulled away reluctantly.

* * *

><p>"I'm sorry. I realize you had plans, but, as you pointed out earlier, this is serious and it trumps your night full of passion, Rose," Lissa added a little too sanctimoniously, if you asked me.<p>

I tried to keep my face blank, but the anger that was always so close to the surface these days was hard to keep in check. I understood the need for the dinner and even our presence there, but my best friend should also understand why I was disappointed that my brief vacation had been ruined. How had we become this? Her ascension to the throne was taking a toll on our friendship. Tatiana had hinted that this might happen, had to happen, really, but I'd been naive enough to believe that what Lissa and I had was unbreakable.

Christian moved to the side of the room looking uncomfortable. Things weren't perfect between them either. Sometimes, I thought she was trying to sabotage my relationship with Dimitri because her's was on the verge of falling apart.

I shook my head, clearing my thoughts away. "When do we leave?"

She smiled that smile that lit up entire rooms and made people happy to obey orders. "Now. There's much to deal with at the palace before Jill and her family arrive. Dimitri and the others are already downstairs waiting." She took my arm and ushered me out the door, with Christian following behind, almost forgotten. "And, you know that you and Dimitri will still have lots of alone time as Christian and I will have our palace guards by our side," she added as though she was still trying to convince me to be a good little guardian and bow to her every whim - which, in this case, meant foregoing my two days off and being happy about it.

I smiled in return because that's what she expected. Like she was doing me some kind of favor, or something. "Who all will be at this meeting?" I asked, my voice soft with uncertainty. Adrian still lived at Court and I wasn't really looking forward to running into him.

She leaned in to me. "I don't think you'll have to worry about _him_ attending, Rose." I glanced at her in surprise.

"What, can you read my mind now?" I'd stopped walking and Christian brushed past me continuing his way to the waiting cars. She really needed to spend some time working on her own relationship.

"No, but the only thing Rose Hathaway seems to be frightened of is her ex-boyfriend." She got us moving again. "Trust me, Rose, you won't have to worry about running into him…Unless you plan on spending a large portion of your time in a bar, that is."

By the time we got to the car, my mind was racing. On one hand, I didn't want to see the anger in those emerald eyes but, on the other hand, I was desperate to make things right, whatever that meant. I think they call that kind of thinking "having your cake and eating it too," but what's the point of having a cake if you couldn't eat it? Dammit, all I wanted was to make things right between us. I missed my friend and I was worried about his means of self medication.

* * *

><p>For all intents and purposes, we were off duty. You'd think that was a good thing, except that it meant that Lissa got to play human Barbie doll with me. She had people doing my hair, nails, and makeup as she rifled through a rack of dresses, holding one up periodically for closer inspection. Not once did she ask my opinion, though, it didn't really matter because I couldn't care less.<p>

"Try this one. I think green is such a flattering color on you."

She chose a simple forest green wrap dress. A green very much like Adrian's eyes, I noticed. Surely, that was completely accidental.

Like a good little soldier, I followed her order and was pleasantly surprised by just how amazing the dress looked on me. The dress made my curvy figure look smokin' and the color really was perfect.

"Here." She tossed a pair of gold heels over the top of the screen. "Put these on."

"Hey!" I ducked just enough to avoid the golden weapons hurtling at my head.

"Oh, quit your bitching and get your pretty little self out here."

When I came out from behind the dressing screen, Lissa clapped her hands together gleefully. "I was right! You look incredible." She pulled me in for a quick hug.

"Not that I'm complaining," I said as I took in my reflection in the mirror across the room, " but why are you going to so much trouble to make me look good? I'm just a guard, Lissa. No one cares what I'm wearing."

She ducked her head looking very guilty. "Look, I'm sorry I've been so…irritable lately. I just wanted to make it up to you. So, after the dinner, I've arranged something special for you and Dimitri."

Oh, now that was something I could get on board with. "You wouldn't happen to have some sexy lingerie that might match this dress, in that case?" I grinned.

"But of course, silly." She marched me back to the dressing screen and pulled several bags out from under a shelf which had all manner of accessories piled up on it and pushed them toward me. "These, you don't have to model for me," she snickered before moving past me to sit in the makeup chair I'd been held prisoner in for the better part of two hours.

* * *

><p>Have you ever noticed that being perfectly happy always results in something bad? I mean, there's really nowhere to go but down, right? Well, tonight was no different. Yeah, I'd enjoyed watching Dimitri's reaction when Lissa and I entered the dining room and was thrilled to see Eddie and Jill again, but that only lasted mere minutes.<p>

I'd barely taken my seat to the right of Lissa when Adrian sauntered through the door looking like a rumpled version of a GQ model.

**Please take a moment to tell me what you think or offer some suggestions to make it better. Thanks, again, for taking the time to read this story.**


	2. Chapter 2

Just a Dream

**Disclaimer:****I own nothing; Richelle Mead is the genius behind all Vampire Academy related writings.**

**Ch 2 - The Unexpected**

Adrian strode into the room as though he owned the place, his eyes sweeping over each of us - only the slightest flicker to them as they passed over me.

"Ah, your majesty." He bowed dramatically. "Hope you don't mind me crashing your party." Lissa's face went blank as she took in the strong smell of cloves and liquor that clung to the figure that was still bowing before her.

Jill practically jumped out of her seat. "Adrian, you came!" He winked at her and she blushed ever so slightly. Guess her crush on Adrian was still alive and well.

"I said I would, did I not?"

It's hard to believe that one would hope to be attacked by a pack of murderous strigoi, but that's exactly what I would have preferred. Lissa glanced at me, apology evident in her jade eyes.

She stood, her smile welcoming, though I knew she wasn't at all pleased by his appearance. It wasn't so much that he was here; Lissa adored Adrian, after all. The source of her irritation was, once again, seated directly across from her. Jill had taken it upon herself to invite Adrian and Lissa wasn't at all impressed with her initiative. As for me, I wasn't sure how I felt about her inviting him, either, but I drank in the sight of his dark form and that playful smile on his lips, just the same.

"Adrian," Lissa began, "you know you're welcome here. And quit calling me 'your majesty,' please."

He gave her a quick salute and took the seat directly across from Dimitri who was seated on Christian's left. I was beyond thankful that there was no seat available next to me and that Jill's mother was across from me. I wasn't ready to be in the same room as Adrian, let alone have him within touching distance.

In the surprise of Adrian's appearance, I hadn't given Dimitri one thought. I studied him now. He was doing his best to keep his true feelings about our unexpected guest to himself, but I knew him too well. Our eyes met and I thought I saw, however briefly, a challenge in those eyes.

"So," Adrian began as the waiter filled up his wine glass, "Jill tells me you are _discussing_ her options." The way he said "discussing" made it sound like a four letter word.

"That's right. There've been two attacks on her already and we feel it would be prudent to send her away from court." Adrian looked like he'd been expecting such an answer. "For the time being," Lissa amended when she noticed he seemed to be gearing up for an argument.

"When you say 'we' you mean _you_, right?" He set his glass down a little too hard, the dark liquid splashing on the white tablecloth.

"Adrian," Jill groaned.

Lissa looked like she'd just been slapped in the face.

"I figured as much," he continued when she didn't reply. No one else in the room spoke. I think we were all just too shocked by the way was talking to Lissa to even consider intervening. Besides, my job was to protect her body. Nowhere did it say I had to protect her from emotional stuff. I was having a hard time dealing with mine, as it was.

She finally regained her composure. "This might be hard for you to believe, Adrian, but I prepared several scenarios and ran them past the guardians, Jill, and her parents. When I said 'we' I meant all of us." She motioned to everyone in the room. "Except you, of course. I'm afraid you weren't available seeing as you were too far into a bottle of liquor."

I closed my eyes at her spiteful words. They were true, if his appearance was any indication, but to say it so callously….well, he didn't deserve that.

He drained his glass and held it out for a refill, his angry eyes never leaving Lissa's face.

I leaned toward her. "Perhaps we should get back on track," I suggested quietly. That small movement was enough to bring his attention to me and all the outrage on Jill's behalf faded away. I preferred the anger to the pain that replaced it. Pain that I'd caused.

There were a hundred things I'd have liked to have said, but not a one of them came out. The silence stretched between us, neither able to look away. I hated that I contributed to his drunkenly state, though I couldn't say I was surprised to see him stumbling down that path. It was second nature to him - his way of dealing with Spirit.

Lissa motioned one of the guardians who'd been watching the whole debacle from his post at the far end of the room. He handed her the manila folder which she pushed across the table to Adrian. "Look them over."

Once he'd read over the pages, he leaned forward to address Jill. "How do you feel about all of this?"

She was obviously flustered because no one had taken the time to actually ask her opinion. Lissa had been stretching the truth…slightly. She'd talked the different plans over with everyone, but the one person's opinion that mattered most, had been ignored.

"The school in California sounds nice, I guess. It will be weird, though. I'll have to hide what I am all the time. And I'll have to make new friends. But it's what's best, right?" she rambled on in her typical fashion.

"See, Adrian. Your interference isn't necessary." She motioned for the file and he slid it across the table. "Eddie and Serena will be Jill's guardians. They are young enough to blend in on campus and, let's be fair, neither have had decent guardian jobs lately. It will give Serena the chance to deal with the attack earlier this year and Eddie the chance to prove himself."

"He shouldn't have to prove himself," I interjected. It was a touchy subject for me seeing as I was the reason he was on probation.

"I'm going too," Adrian added, not acknowledging my words in the least.

"You?" Lissa scoffed. "In what capacity?"

He shrugged, but if he'd had anything to say it was cut short by Christian's declaration.

"What?" Lissa faltered, her head slowly turning to face her boyfriend.

"I'm not doing anything useful around here." He shrugged, not making eye contact with Lissa. "I might as well check out California."

I didn't need a bond with Lissa to know she was on the verge of exploding. For whatever reason, she was crazy jealous of Christian's friendship with Jill. To make matters worse, their relationship was already on rocky ground. One's aunt trying to kill your girlfriends does tend to cause stress. And let's not forget Lissa's royal duties. They had very little time together anymore. The only reason they'd been together this week was because Lissa was on vacation and she'd wanted to spend it with him.

I stood, hoping to clear the room before Lissa lost control of her temper. "Well, dinner was great. Let's do it again sometime." Never mind that no one had actually eaten anything. Jill and her family didn't need told twice. They headed toward the door with Eddie and Serena flanking them. Lucky bastards. I'd like to avoid the drama, too, but something told me I wasn't going to be so lucky.

Dimitri came to my side; Adrian refilled his own glass as the waiter was nowhere to be found. Lissa had pulled Christian off to the side and was arguing softly.

I couldn't help the accusatory look I gave Dimitri. "Christian's been sulky all week. What gives?" He was his guardian. Surely he'd know what was going on. What on earth could make Christian run all the way to the west coast?

"You know as much as I do, Roza." Adrian made an indistinct noise at Dimitri's name for me and downed the rest of his wine.

I pushed past Dimitri. "Don't you have some packing to do?"

He set his glass down very gently, as though it took every bit of effort to complete the motion. "You're quite right, little dhampir."

Dimitri's hands on my shoulder tensed at the pet name and I thought the ach in my heart couldn't get any worse, but I'd been wrong. I could still vividly recall the first time Adrian had called me that. It had been mildly irritating then, but I'd grown to love hearing him say it.

"Love the dress, by the way." He grabbed the half-empty bottle of wine on his way out the door.

His words meant way more to me than they should, but I did my best to hide it because Dimitri was watching my face so closely, anger burning in his eyes. He let them travel down my neck to the swell of my chest, lingering there for a few breaths before sliding the rest of the way down my body. "He's right." He grabbed the thin material of the dress in his hands. "This dress on your body is utterly sinful."

Christian's words pulled me away from Dimitri. "I'm not ready," he hissed. "Maybe this break is just what we need."

A small gasp escaped my lips as I realized what it would mean if Christian did leave.

"I was wondering when you were going to understand what this would mean for us," Dimitri spoke softly.

"You'll have to go to California," I stated glumly. Jill would be in expert hands if Dimitri was one of the accompanying guardians, but that didn't make me feel better. If he was in California, I'd never get to see him. "Maybe she'll talk him out of it." But even as I said it, I didn't believe it. Christian looked pretty determined. He grabbed his jacket from the back of his chair and Dimitri brushed my arm as he joined his charge.

Lissa and I stared at each other across the space of the room, tears trailing down her lovely face. My tears would come when the shock wore off. For now, Lissa's pain was what was important. I ran to her, wrapping her in my arms. Letting her have a few minutes for her breakdown before some other royal business cropped up and she had to shove all her emotions down. She was right about one thing - her life was no longer her own. I held her while her tears soaked through my dress as she realized just how true that was.


End file.
